Ikok's nowadays

Sukabumi, 30 April 2008

Today, I got schedule with my band in the studio to prepare our next gigs/shows in DeJavu Café Sarinah Thamrin Jakarta Selatan, which will held on 4^th May. It’s the TRIBUTE TO SEX PISTOLS show and collaborated with many band in Indonesia. Me and my band have decided to playing song MY WAY by Frank Sinatra, but of course we’ll sing it on SEX PISTOLS version. They’ve changed the song into more fast beat, wild lyrics and real Punk sound. And also we dedicated to SID VICIOUS whom was the godfather for all the Punk Rockers.

Ok, enough talk about the band. Let’s talk about me. Hehe.. I promise to write about the gigs report after the band play and show off next week.

Well..emmm.. I’ve spent a lot of time in Sukabumi with my daughter Sabila and hanging out in the city center with friends and buddies. I like to travel but I love Bandung as my Mum Nathalie and My sister Marini lives there. Also my new boyfriend, Binsardo Victory, lives there too. And consider Sukabumi my home. I just wondering everyone of us meet together right now in some great place like Lembang, maybe Bali, or Lombok perhaps, hehe.. maybe later ya..

The good point is now I’ve stopped to drink too much alcohol and stop using drugs. It’s difficult actually that I was a dirty girl into a good person like now. I was on judgmental. Really defensive all the time. It’s been hard for me to change my attitude. I've always been a paranoid person by nature anyhow. Lot of people so concerned with what I say and what I do at all times that it's really hard for me to deal with that. I'm dealing with it a lot better than I would have expected.

The biggest drags for me nowadays is being apart from my family: Mum Onath, Marini, Oma Susan, Amis, Nadia, Bi Uki, everyone in Cimahi, all the BIG BOREEL family in Netherland. Every day, every hour, I miss them all, I miss u all! I know everyone are busy with own job, activities, and long distance home. But, can we just leave all the stuff and get back together for one wonderful moment again?? Maybe soon yes, I just can’t wait for that. Me and Amis were on chat about music at Cimahi two weeks ago, you know, it has been bring me more spirit in making music. I don’t want to make anyone dissapointed at me, and Amis was give me a good advice to me. That’s the key, all I need is support.

The other reason I stop using drugs is not because that I’m afraid of die too young, but it’s all about I’m in the verge of losing everything. My career, my daughter, my family, and perhaps even my freedom. I don’t want to spent my life in jail or kill by gangsters. You know Indonesia have a lot of gangsters called PREMAN or BANDAR whom they are no soul inside and ready to kill everyone who make a big deal to them. Pay good money, they could be nice. But if no bucks a.k.a poor…. We dead.

Now I’m in a relationships with a guys from Bandung, his name is Binsardo Victory, also called as Elal. He’s younger than me. I’m 24 this May, he’s 23 last Feb. Amis have met him at Cimahi two weeks ago in the day of Amis departed to Belanda. I’ve showed all family’s fotos to him when he invited my home Sukabumi. When he looked the foto’s of Oma, he said : “Wow, I thought she was your sister!” hehehe… That’s the way people often think about us. Me, Mum and Oma is just like big and little sister! For me, it’s a gift from GOD. Beauty.. Charity.. we should pray for that, longlives for life.

Despite of my mad behaviour, I still make good relations with Elal and he also wants to help anytime. Elal always there for me if I was on depression, stress, etc. I feel compatible in anyway, the way I do is the way he cares too. He gives support. He gives love. He gives anything that I never had with men. Although sometimes we were on fight to fight causes of different view about the future we wish to get. and fight about our different region. I’m Islam, not so Islamistisch. He’s Christian. We’ve planned to get married and I choose to join him, I’ve talked about this to my stepmother Poppy and my father Dicky, they said it’s all up to me. It’s my freedom to choose. But, let’s talk about this later ok? At this moment I just missing the way me and Elal in the time alone together. Yes, We still doing well, never feel better than this. Day by day is more comfortable. More to loved.. hehehe

Sabila doing well too… she just get up early this morning for watch TV shows “Si Entong” which she was so immers into it. It’s a movie about children from Betawi with the philosopher story scenes,lot of an advice and good education for kids. Now Sabila is 3 years old. She still make a communication with her father Dadan via mobile phone, or sometimes Dadan comes visit us in Sukabumi. He works in Jakarta and stay with his sister. But still pay good attention for Sabila.

Actually, I’m not a spokesperson. I just wanted something that was like, OK, this is me. This is what I am. This is how I think. This is how my though process. This is what I’ve gone through. Beside of that, I don’t really write this as a blog for people that were just into me. It’s not like one of these, I mean, I’d write this myself for everyone out there whom feel the same like me. Nevermind if they’re a gay, lesbian, straight or a donkey, I want my life experiences gives a good story for all people. Think positive. For them to lives.

And till this moment…I hear my favorite song from nowhere in my head : “cherish the love we have… we should cherish the love…hand in hand.. you and I..”

Best Regards,

-IKOK-